After experiencing deep emotional trauma as a result of this boarded-up bowling alley in Wawa, Ontario, we kept our eyes peeled for a replacement.
On the thirteenth day of the Retro Road Trip, we were rewarded.
It’s called Sunshine Lanes and it’s located in Hope, B.C.
Now, it’s not a 1950s bowling alley (that would have been too good to be true), but there’s a definite early ’80s vibe in there that made me think about my old VIC-20 and Tron.
Sometimes they shut down the ghastly fluorescent lights and do a rock n’ bowl thing with black lights and neon, but we opted for the good ole jaundice-face lights. You are not meant to look sexy in a bowling alley and that’s a fact.
You really should puff away on at least a pack per game, but that’s no longer allowed due to claims by so-called “doctors” and “scientists” that smoking allegedly causes cancer. As if they know more than anyone whose average is over 120! Pshaw! What is the world coming to, anyway????!!!
For years, Zach and I were part of Youth Bowling Canada in our hometown, Parksville. We’d go down to Sunset Lanes every Saturday morning and try to avoid the gutter as the adults convened in the lounge and smoked like chimneys.
One of the coaches, whose last name was “Champion” (for real) actually had the audacity to wear a Hooters baseball hat to the YBC meets.
“What’s HOOTERS?” I’d ask him repeatedly, in front of the younger kids. “And what are those O’s supposed to be?”
“They’re just owl eyes,” he’d suck back on an ashy stub, deepening the hue of his already dirt-coloured teeth.
The other kids bought it. But I knew Mr. Champion was actually championing sleaze.
Plus, don’t you think it’s weird that our team uniform consisted of orange shorts, nylons and runners?